Thursday, February 25, 2309
25th feb 2309
Clarisse once told me that there used to be front porches..but no longerwhy?they did not want people sitting around, doing nothing rocking talking...
wrong kind of social life. talking too much, thinking too much..
what's wrong with thinking?!
i showed millie what i have been hiding all these while...as i pulled out all the books from the grille...millie went pale
one.. two.. ten.. twenty...
my hidden books. my secret.
i pleaded with millie for support..
i needed her to understand..i never pleaded her before.. just this once
she gave in.
it rained. millie and i read the long afternoon through... i felt an evil presence near.. could it be the familiar beast? who knows
i know millie do not care about anyone but her 'family'.. those damn walls
i need a teacher.. one to guide me along this long way..
there was one guy.. could he help me?..
one way to find out..
i am going to call him....FABER
arising
10:57 AM
25th Feb 2309
my wife mildred suddenly doesn't seems to be my wife anymore
i feel so distant from here. she was like a stranger.
there's just something between us.. a wall... a very thick wall.
three parlor walls as a matter of fact
whenever i step into the room, it feels empty, probably because she is like a dead person.
a robot... doing everything by routine and never having any thoughts of her own.
she can't even remember when we first met.. how we did and where it was.
does she loves me?
no no no.. i shouldn't be doubting it but
awww i cant help.
is millie human? is clarisse really dead? if so, how? and why mildred couldn't care less?
so many thoughts, questions. no answers....
the old woman is still on my mind.. there must be something about those books that could make her die with it..
what is it? i want to find out..
why did i choose to be a fireman?
and i really didn't want to go to work
but beatty just pops in,
distorting me about the meaning of being happy.
he told me to take the night off if i wanted to... as if he knew i wanted to do it
and while he was talking, millie chose that perfect time to clean the room..damn
she slippped her hand under my pillow and she felt it. The ****.
luckily she did not say anything and went out of the room...
beatty went on talking. He says the way of making everything simple and easy, the only way to solve all problems is to BURN.
"Burn all, burn everything. Fire is bright and fire is clean"
He says Clarisse is better off dead. She is unhappy in the first place..
its good for people like her to be dead... is it true?
He also said firemen are like me are the people who bring happiness
people depend on us...
"A natural error. Curiosity alone."
is this the reason why i took the book?
i got to return the book anyway...or else they would do it for me.
beatty left already but the question is "should i go back to the firehouse?"
no..i'll never go in again
arising
10:50 AM
Wednesday, February 24, 2309
24th Feb 2309
clarisse haven't appeared for a some time already. kinda miss her.
wonder where she is...
the war is coming. radios are announcing it and planes are crashing the skies at high speed the firehouse trembled.. my heart trembled.
oh, and i blurted out something so stupid.
how so stupid of me... what crap. what once upon a time...
beatty like an eagle was so sharp.. to say the truth, my heart pounded hard.
real hard. how foolish of me.
i am really getting the feeling that beatty knows about the stolen ****..
it felt like clarisse was speaking for me..
although beatty gave evidence about fireman starting fire,
clarisse's words sank deep in my mind and it keeps running..
i am even doubting my own captain.
today's job is just like any other...
but it just seems to keep bothering me. the old woman who got burned with the books and the house
it irritates me at the thought that i KILLED someone. this isn't right.
i mean, suddenly, out of a sudden, the society.. all this killing.
the death of people shouldn't be this way.
there is something wrong. JUST SOMETHING. i don't what!
argh!!! wad crap am i saying!
************
dear blog,
i have another confession.
today, my hands had did it once again. all by itself.
but the book... it was amazing.
it pounded on my heart like it was alive
another one to my collection.
and if only clarisse was here to tell me more about this Master Ridley that woman was talking about.
i shall go to bed first.. it's already so late.
tomorrow at first light, i shall put the book away.
bye
arising
11:18 PM
Wednesday, February 17, 2309
17th Feb 2309
clarisse is starting to open me out to her view of the world.
such a unique and different perspective of this society.
her uncle... is he some sort of genius?
until now, i haven't really had a good thought about this society..
but clarisse is there, observes a lot and knows a lot from her uncle.
sometimes i feel that she is much older because she seems so matured to me.
what an amazing girl. remarkable uncle.
arising
11:14 PM
Wednesday, February 10, 2309
10 Feb
the mechanical hound.
what a fearsome beast. somehow, i always sense an evil aura around it.
it scares me.. what if one day it is set to detect my amino acid and pounce on me
i wouldn't want to imagine that....
and beatty... he doesn't cares about my concerns.
i really want to know what is on his mind
when he seems to read me like a book, i don't get a thing about him.
such a secret chamber of vast knowledge. i wish i had the key to it.
does he knows a thing or two about the ventilator grille?
arising
11:00 PM
Wednesday, February 3, 2309
3rd Feb 2309
yesterday, after that event she totally act as if nothing had happened before
if thats what she wants.. what can i do.
it rained in the afternoon. totally depicts my heartfelt feelings.
mildred asked for another parlor wall. money doesn't grow from trees!
and the wall is one third of my pay.
i hope my pay increase soon.
went out and saw clarisse. she was tasting the rain.
oh but it does taste like wine.
the dandelions. are they that amazing? i mean, spotting whether i am in love or not.
i know i am in love. i am definitely in love
why doesn't it shows?
or am i not in love.... i don't know! lets just stop thinking
arising
10:33 PM
Tuesday, February 2, 2309
2nd Feb 2309
noooo
i am feeling damn frustrated
my &%$#@ wife!!! why must she do this?
havent i provided everything she needed in her life?
whats wrong with her!
millie!!!!!!!!!!
why do you do this to me
and the operators! heartless! apathetic people.
that cobra. the stomach machine . the sucking
this people barge in like construction workers in overall
fixed the machine on my pitiful wife and worked on her like she was a spoilt machine which need repair.
she's a human for heaven's sake. cant you treat her with care ?
i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy i am not happy noooooooo!
i feel so lonely. some one save me....
arising
10:31 PM
Monday, February 1, 2309
February 1st 2309
For the past few days, I have been having uncertain feelings when I walk on the side walk round the corner of my house. Like as if there were somebody there, waiting for me. Today, I finally saw her. she was half bent, watching her shoes stir in the circling leaves. With eyes of tireless curiosity she stood there in the late night. I realized she was my new neighbour. Surprisingly, she identified me as the "fireman" due to the smell of kerosene (my "perfume") oh wells. her name was Clarisse McClellan.
a strange and odd encounter, a stranger who dared to walk up and talk to me
she claims she was seventeen, and CRAZY. who on earth would call themselves crazy?
good god.
asking me to look up at the moon to find a man up there is simply ridiculous.
however ridiculous, i find it rather interesting.
who would have noticed dews on the morning grass or bill boards which grew from the past from 20 ft to 200 ft long!?!
some knowledge in her huh..
doesn't she have anything better to do?
....i wonder if she reads....
am i happy?
gahh lets just go to bed
she is always on my mind... i cant seem to forget that slender body of hers.
that fair skin and innocent eyes
has she always been there waiting for me?
arising
9:51 PM
Saturday, January 16, 2309
2309, January 16
It was a pleasure to burn.
Makes me smile.
another fire again.. and still counting.. hope i reach my target of one million soon
arising
8:15 PM
Tuesday, June 9, 2308
2308, 9th june.
Met a old man in the park. He hid something under his black suit. Upon seeing me, he leapt in shock as if to run. He immediately cried that he had not done anything. Suspicious.
We sat down for a talk. A strange quiet meeting. The old man admitted to being a retired English Professor who had been thrown out upon the world forty years ago when the last liberal arts college shut for lack of students and patronage. Faber was his name. He read out a rhymeless poem and he touched his left coat pocket. I expected him to pull out something related to books or poems, but he did not. He said:
"I don't talk things sir, I talk the meaning of things. I sit here and I know I'm alive."
After an hour, he did not acknowledge the fact that I was a firemen and wrote his address on a slip of paper. When I get angry, I might report him... But I did not.
arising
7:49 PM
